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The Executive Attendant

I wrote this short and was planning on shooting it on 16mm.

INT - CORPORATE OFFICE - DAY

A well dressed EXECUTIVE is sitting behind his desk, shuffling through papers.
A knock at the door stands him up to greet whoever may enter:

EXECUTIVE
It’s open...

The door opens to reveal a YOUNG MAN, with a resume in his hand.

YOUNG MAN
Hello sir.

The young man comes towards the desk to shake hands with the executive just sits down ignoring the offered hand.

Taking the hint the young man sits down.

YOUNG MAN
I brought my resume, like your secretary asked...

He hands the resume across the desk to the executive who in one fluid motion takes it from the young man and throws it in the waste basket.

EXECUTIVE
Yes. It looks wonderful.

The young man looks confused.

EXECUTIVE
So. Which job are you applying for?

YOUNG MAN
Well, sir, anything really, but I was told that there was a copy boy position available.

EXECUTIVE
(quickly, sharply)
You were lied to.
(pause)
There’s a machine doing that now. We do have a bathroom attendant position. For the executive bathroom.

YOUNG MAN
Well, sir that doesn’t sound so bad.

EXECUTIVE
Well, some of the executives, myself included, sometimes take a hankering to shitting in the urinals and pissing on the sinks...

YOUNG MAN
Okay.
(pause)
How’s the pay?

EXECUTIVE
You’ll get paid less a year than I make in a week.

YOUNG MAN
You make a lot of money then?

EXECUTIVE
More than you’ll ever see.

YOUNG MAN
Is there any chance of promotion?

EXECUTIVE
No. You’re as high up on the food chain as you’ll ever get.

YOUNG MAN
Sir?

EXECUTIVE
And that’s only until we find someway to eliminate your job or ship it to Mexico.

YOUNG MAN
You’re shipping the bathroom to Mexico?

EXECUTIVE
Not the bathroom the whole damn company. But that’s just to keep that stockholders happy. They’re who count. Not your worthless ass.

YOUNG MAN
Well, sir, If i get the job when would I start?

EXECUTIVE
As soon as we get rid of “Dad,” the old guy.

YOUNG MAN
The old guy?

EXECUTIVE
He’s been here for 42 years, but if he works to his 43rd we have to pay him a retirement bonus, and we can’t have that now can we?

YOUNG MAN
(incredulously)
I suppose not.

EXECUTIVE
So, we’ll send him his pink slip, and then we’ll let your jack ass have the job.

YOUNG MAN
So I got the job?

EXECUTIVE
Well, how little are you willing to be paid?

YOUNG MAN
Minimum wage.

EXECUTIVE
That’s the answer I was looking for.

YOUNG MAN
So I got the job?

EXECUTIVE
Yes. But keep in mind we don’t need you.

YOUNG MAN
Thank you sir. You won’t know how much this will mean to my family.

EXECUTIVE
Nor will I care.

YOUNG MAN
I needed this job so badly.

EXECUTIVE
And this job didn’t need you at all.

They begin to stand, and the Young man goes to shake his hand. The hand is ignored again, and the young man turns to leave the room.

YOUNG MAN
Thank you sir.

EXECUTIVE
Report here on Monday.

YOUNG MAN
Yes sir.

He closes the door and leaves.

The executive gets on his intercom to his secretary, MISS BRANT.

EXECUTIVE
(into intercom)
Ms. Brant?

MISS BRANT
(through intercom)
Yes sir?

EXECUTIVE
(into intercom)
I need you to send a pink slip to “Dad”, the executive bathroom attendant.

MISS BRANT
Your father sir?

EXECUTIVE
Yes. His last day is Friday.

MISS BRANT
Yes sir.

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